Getting Out

I have different sets of friends – high school friends, college friends, childhood friends, work friends and even ex-friends. Actually, I don’t have a lot because I don’t use the term “friend” lightly.  Sometimes, I am even surprised that some people consider me as one of theirs when I only consider them as acquaintances. There are those too that I thought were my friends but actually don’t consider me as theirs. I can’t really say what my standards are because most of the time I just feel it. Someone becomes my friend when I feel like considering them my friend.

This is one of the topics that we argued about when Ted was still here. He has a high standard when it comes to friendship and he even said that he is not willing to add more. My cousin Mau on the other hand said that she is open to more friends. She would gladly welcome anyone who wants to be a part of her life.

I was torn in between because I get them both. In this day and age, it’s hard to find “real” friends. Friendship is like an investment and it hurts like hell to break one so the temptation to stick to the tried and tested ones is hard to resist. However, we are developing individuals and as we live our lives each day, we need to learn more and see more of life and of the world. Having new friends is a great way to grow as a person.

It’s been more than six years since that conversation. I have been living like a monk for the past five years or so. I only see my friends a few times each year and I rarely go out to meet new people. I want to hold on to my friends but we can’t seem to find the time to meet each other more frequently. Since I am always at home, meeting new people is impossible. Lately, I feel like I can’t even make small talk with strangers.

But the point is, I need friends – old ones or new ones. I just need them. I need to get out of this lifestyle. Being an introvert is not really my style.

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