I stared at the blank wall for who knows how long. I can hear him talking but I can’t get myself to listen. I knew what he was saying even before the words came out of his mouth. Yet…
It doesn’t make it any easier.
I won’t cry. No, I won’t let my tears burden him any further. Whatever pain I am feeling right now, I am sure he was feeling too. We loved each other; we still do, just not on the same level anymore. Hurting me was the last thing he wanted to do but staying together will make things worse for both of us. I understand, I wanted to tell him that. But there’s a lump in my throat and I know that once I open my mouth, I won’t be able to hold back these tears anymore.
I can’t even get myself to look at him, so I just focused on his hand. I held it as tightly as I could, for one last time. I managed to smile, stand up, pat him on the back and leave.
He did not call out my name as I walk away. I guess he understood and knew that I accepted.
Letting go is never easy.
